Shifting

I don't really know what it is. Maybe it's a combination of things like good friends leaving, new people coming, a wedding in 5 months, and the fact I haven't seen my friends in family in nearly 8 months... but I've been feeling this uneasy shift in my usual routine lately. You can ask anyone close to me. I'm not the one that gets nervous in a crowd or has anxiety over anything. I keep a positive vibe and friendly energy most of the time. But recently, I've been feeling off. Like I'm about to take a big test tomorrow or I feel like something big is going to happen yet nothing ever does. There is definitely a shift here in American Samoa and I know the majority of that feeling comes from our good friends leaving. I can't even fathom leaving. The idea of going home is far away to me. Everything I own is here in Samoa. The thought of packing that all away and moving back to California is frightening! I never thought I'd say this but I truly feel like this is home (for now). I feel like I'm away at my first year of college. California is always there but I can't participate right now. It breaks my heart to think I'll miss my niece Sammie's birthday or my high school reunion (yes, my HS reunion!! I loved school! haha). It's also a strange thought to think of our friends who have left are all back in "reality" while we are still here living the island life. So many changes. A change in schedule brings anxiety and uncertainty, and I can feel it. At the same time, I'm not scared. Being away has taught me to cope with life and it's uncertainties. I feel so grateful that I don't have to experience anything alone. Jameson is my support system, my best friend, and the love of my life. I'm truly so lucky to have him with me, holding my hand through this crazy samoan journey full of twists and turns and ups and downs. We have grown, and will continue to grow, during our time here in Samoa. No matter what happens, he is right by my side. Ahh, Instant relief. I love you Jamie. <3